On one of my trips to Traverse City to see my family, I ended up in a used bookstore. Actually, I was in the bookstore with Andy looking for old Goosebumps books because he wanted to complete his childhood collection. I, of course, found myself something to read.

I found The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette. Originally published in 1952 but I found the 1978 update. Immediately, I delved into learning how to throw a sit-down dinner with one maid and other entertaining essentials. My friends patiently dealt with my proclamations that I was going to throw a proper sit down dinner even if that meant I had to find Becky a suitable dinner date since I learned it was completely unacceptable to invite a woman to dinner without also inviting a single man for her!

"It is also rude to ask a single woman to bring her own date to dinner, as this puts her on the spot. She may not know a suitable man to bring... If there is no suitable dinner partner for the widow, divorcee, or single girl, however, the hostess should tell her in advance".

Then, I realized, this lovely guide may also help me with wedding etiquette! Now, I've actually already bought and thoroughly read one modern etiquette book. I also forced my sister (and maid of honor) to read the chapter on responsibilities of a bridesmaid. I also told her if she sucks at her job that there's a chapter on removing members of the bridal party! So, obviously, I've already learned a few important things about etiquette.

But, today, I was pleasantly surprised that this old etiquette book covers the engagement! Apparently there is engagement etiquette. This seems like a logical place to start since I'm engaged and most definitely violating social rules by trash talking people's bridesmaid dresses on this blog. OK, Amy Vanderbilt, make me a lady.

First, I'm utterly dumbfounded. Amy Vanderbilt supports my non diamond ring!
 
"The traditional engagement ring is a diamond solitaire. However, today anything goes- a ring with many colored stones, a ring with large semiprecious stone...Some women prefer no engagement ring but choose a wedding band that is studded with stones instead. No one has to have an engagement ring. A girl may want her fiance to give her a pearl necklace instead, or a jeweled watch."

This book may be one of my favorite purchases ever. I think this section really summed up nicely how I feel about engagement rings. Its the thought that counts. 

Now, tonight I'll end with the very good advice on the Behavior of an Engaged Couple. In fact, I think this is good advice for any couple!

"Whether an engaged couple is living together or not, an old rule still prevails: people should be restrained in demonstrating their physical feelings toward each other in public... It is far better to think how much they must be bursting with physical desire for each other than to see them actually demonstrating it".

And I'm off to bed, I don't want to even begin to cover the other 100 pages on wedding etiquette tonight!

I once again present you with some truly uninspiring dresses.

Once you look through 15 pages of a bridal magazine, you've pretty much seen it all. There seems  like there are only so many allowable wedding poses for models. You know, woodlands, draped on antique furniture or staring off while pondering love. But, in my search for alternative wedding gear I found this! Now, if pro-football is your theme, Matthew Christopher has a dress for you. If fireman or fighter pilot is more your style, that's covered too!

But, I don't get it! I don't get it at all. I mean, I watch E!. I know pro athletes are all the rage but do you really need that in an ad? I'm so confused. Also, I don't like football. Not at all. In fact, watching football with football fans is about as fun for me as hanging out with completely drunk people when I'm sober. Needless to say, Matthew Christopher, your silly football player ad has no power over me.

Since white dresses are frustrating me so much I decided to switch to looking at bridesmaid dresses. And big surprise, there is no shortage for bad decisions here either. The funny thing is that even if the dresses themselves aren't bad, so many lend themselves to such absurdity. The dress above isn't bad at all!

Same goes for these dresses. The dresses are pretty. But, geeze, every pastel color seriously looks like Easter gone wild! Less is more, especially when it comes to pastels!

Ah, another multicolor wedding but this one is definitely more Skittles inspired! Now, I'm in love with the idea of being quirky and having fun with your wedding, that's pretty much my mantra, but yikes!

Is her theme rainbow?

Because, honestly, this is what I start to think of when I see all those dresses!

I just can't picture how ALL those dresses fit into one wedding! Unless of course its this one I've just designed. But, at least it doesn't look like Easter Bunny vomit. I think these colors are a lot more flattering.

If you're wondering why I'm spending all this time trash talking bridal apparel, its really just me trying to find the line between unique & personal and looking like a lunatic :) Fortunately, the internet proves to be a wealth of knowledge! But, I think a lot of ideas don't end up translating as well as intended. I love teal and I love breaking tradition to create something personal but I still want my wedding to look nice. And, I don't want my bridesmaid to hate me.

Ahh, I LOVE wedding planning! This is going to be a fun year!

Wow! So, I've decided on the Ezell House for the wedding. It got the stamp of approval from the families and Shanna! That means I can seriously let myself think about decorations now. I've been trying not to fall in love with any idea until I firmed up a site. With my luck, I'd love an idea that wouldn't work. Now I know, so now I can go crazy!

I'm enjoying sorting through the endless wedding stores online. There is so much crap you can buy. I don't know how anyone picks an idea for a favor because each website has no less than 1,000 items under $3 that you can choose from.

Now, overall I think wedding stuff is overpriced. This is no surprise. Sometimes I think its worth the splurge. It is definitely fun to personalize the wedding. I think the key is to learn where to draw the line. As I've explained in previous posts, I believe the line is somewhere well before the monogrammed toilet paper!!

But, even knowing that wedding stuff is often stupid, overpriced and unnecessary, I sometimes find an item that is so overpriced I'm astounding.

Unlike many things I've profiled, this isn't ugly. Its fairly simple and I think a common style for a centerpiece. Candles are classic, colored stones bring in wedding colors. What is ridiculous is that its $84!!!!

Its candles and marbles. I'm confident you can buy that glass down for $6 at pier 1 or TJmaxx. If you look, individually that glass bowl alone goes for $30! And white candles are not that much money!

Alright, that's enough shocking rant for now. Feel free to share an of your own overpriced finds!

Part two.

Yesterday I explored the rise of the diamond to a place of honor at all things wedding. Today, I'll take on another icon and object of my confusion... the white wedding dress.

OK, don't give me that purity and innocence thing. It wasn't a good enough answer for diamonds so its certainly not for the white dress. The white dress is THE icon of weddings. The white dress and the diamond solitaire are the two icons that on their own scream wedding without the aid of anything else.

Before I delve into the history, I'm going to give a few personal opinions on white. I am blonde and pale. From a fashion standpoint, there is nothing more cruel than white. Its a hard color to wear. In white, I looked washed out and my skin looks blotchy. In teal and blue and purple, I think I look radiant. Or just not sickly.

On a more practical note, I'm a slob. Andy says I eat like a 4 year old. I literally spill something on myself at every meal. I cannot help it. So, as you can see, the notion of wearing white is just pretty ridiculous to me.

I know its tradition and when you wear white everyone knows you're a bride but in my head I envision looking like a cancer patient covered in marinara stains. So, in an effort to warm up to white, I'm going to explore the tradition. I've already ditched the diamond solitaire so maybe I should give the other wedding icon a fair shot. Here it goes.

Until the mid 1800's, most brides wore the nicest thing they had in the closet. The only two rules: 1. no black (its for funerals) 2. no red (its for prostitutes!). However, once Queen Victoria choose white for her 1840 it became the "it" color. This is quite impressive being that there were no trashy mags or E! displaying the paparazzi photos of the event. I really wonder how everyone heard about this!

Some say that white became the color of choice because it showed wealth. A white dress is truly impractical. Imagine trying to wash and re-wear a white dress in 1850. Probably not going to happen! Therefore, a bride in white came from a family who could afford such niceties. Although, other reports say resourceful brides did dye their dresses after and re-wear them.

By the 1950's, images like Grace Kelly being married in white cemented the white dress as the icon we know it. Seems like everyone wants to dress like a princess!

Even before white was all the rage, dresses were expected to reflect the status of the family of the bride. Throughout history we're all familiar with the weddings that brought warring families to peace or even united countries. Obviously the bride better look pretty good if she's uniting a country. Perhaps someone should remind some of those insane girls on Say Yes to The Dress that act like the world may end if they don't get the right dress that at least their choice won't play a role in creating actual peace between nations. I feel like a few people I've seen on that show could use a reality check like this.

I found this poem about the color of your wedding dress. Some of these are downright terrible. I mean, if you get married in yellow you'll be ashamed of you man!

Married in White, you have chosen right
Married in Grey, you will go far away,
Married in Black, you will wish yourself back,
Married in Red, you will wish yourself dead,
Married in Green, ashamed to be seen,
Married in Blue, you will always be true,
Married in Pearl, you will live in a whirl,
Married in Yellow, ashamed of your fellow,
Married in Brown, you will live in the town,
Married in Pink, you spirit will sink.

But, white it seems pretty much everything is "wrong" other than white, I do have to point out that blue means you'll always be true. This isn't bad?! And, teal is a shade of blue... just saying.

Another fun tidbit, the reason bridesmaid wear identical outfits is because originally the bridesmaid all wore dresses that were like the bride's dress. This was to confuse evil spirits or rival suitors! So, really we should ALL be in teal.

Well, I must say I'm relieved to find out that the white dress wasn't also a marketing scheme. But, there's really not a clear answer to how the white dress became so exclusive.  I thought somewhere along they way I'd find another decree from a pope since everyone always says the white dress stands for virginity and that's a big church thing. But, nope. It doesn't even seem like the church has gone this far. So, basically, white is just popular!

This was fun and I hope you all learned something!

I decided that being the premise of my blog is that I like teal more than white, I figured it was time to do some digging and explore these traditions, superstitions and other wedding trends we all know some well. Why we do them in the first place? If you're like me, we all know what to expect at a wedding but really have no idea why! I figure if I'm thinking of breaking tradition (or as I like to think of it, starting my own tradition), I should fully understand their origins! Or maybe the origins of traditions will make me rethink including them in the wedding.

Since this whole thing started off with my long time love affair with aquamarines, I'll start with the engagement ring! Everyone knows that "diamonds are a girls best friend" but I want to know why we think that. How did the diamond rise among all the other gemstones to earn this coveted place as the truest sign of love and affection?

Well, I hate to shatter all your dreams but the whole diamond thing is just one big truly successful marketing campaign! But, I'll get to that in a second. First, we need a little engagement ring history. The custom of the engagement ring is common in many cultures. Its said that in 860 AD Pope Nicholas declared that an engagement ring was a must. He declared a man must be able to show his financial commitment to his bride to be with a gold ring for the engagement to be real. Over the years, various gemstones have come into fashion. The ruby seems like it was a popular choice because of its red color being associated with love.

As for diamonds, the Venetians were some of the first to regularly use diamonds as engagement stones. Also, around the same time in 1477 Archduke Maximilian of Austria gave a diamond ring to Mary of Burgundy. Overall it seems like people seem to respond to something the royalty are doing or that there is an expansion of colonies or trading routes that makes a new gemstone available and it quickly comes into fashion. But, the diamond still did not attain the status it enjoys today.

So where did our current diamond trend come from? For that, you can thank De Beers! Because of them, "A diamond is forever" is one of the most recognized slogans EVER! But why are diamonds forever? Everyone knows they're the hardest stone but they're not the rarest (score one for rubies). From a chemical standpoint I'm pretty sure a lot of gemstones could fall into the lasting forever category. But, I suppose a nice diamond is clear and pure and will represent a flawless marriage to come.

This link is nice history of this De Beer's Campaign from getting Americans to buy diamond engagement rings, getting couples to buy a three stone anniversary ring AND getting single ladies to buy themselves right hand rings.

Basically what I learned is that some smart businessmen owned diamond mines and wanted Americans to spend more smackers on diamonds. De Beers convinced us that a diamond is forever. Once they got all Americans wanting diamonds for engagement, they set out to conquer the rest of the world. Then, their ever so clever marketing department realized that they needed to get people to purchase diamonds multiple times in their lives, not just engagement, so they invented the three stone anniversary ring. Who can resist a ring signifying past, present and future? It's so romantic you don't even realize its marketing! Now that's clever. Then, the kicker is this whole right hand ring trend. Us silly American women are spending more time in school and such, so we're not getting married young. If we're not getting married then we're not having men buy us diamonds, so what better move then to create a diamond ring to show off how fierce independent women don't need a man to buy a diamond. While my feminist side is screaming that the truly independent thing to do would be to show you could live without a diamond period I'll quit while I'm ahead.

Seriously, those De Beers people are tricky, savvy businessmen. Their ploy to create a diamond crazy world has been so smooth that I don't think any of us had any idea! I certainly didn't when I started liking aquamarines. I just liked them better. I had no clue that all this thought went into shaping our culture into loving the diamond. I'm pretty sure most people have no idea that the tradition is actually so new. I was very surprised that diamonds didn't become the prevalent choice until the 1930's. From movies, etc it seems as if this is a tradition that's hundreds of years old! Honestly, this makes me feel a little better about my personal anti-diamond decision. Now I can just claim that I'm following an even older tradition before this newfangled De Beers craze. Just kidding.

Honestly, I enjoy the other meanings associated with gemstones. Once I learned that aquamarine is the stone of sailors and said to bring safe passage while at sea, I was sold! Aquamarine is also said to bring valor, contentment and insight. That's not too shabby either! Oh, and did I mention that the Romans believed it was a gift from the mermaids (I LOVE the little mermaid!). And last but not least, its supposed to help bring communication into a relationship.

For you other gemstone lovers, here's some gemstone meanings:

Emeralds represent love and rebirth. They bring safe travels on long journeys (which I suppose you could consider a marriage?!) It bestows faithfulness!

Pearl is unlucky at weddings! They are the teardrops of the moon. But its said to stimulate spiritual transformation. And it promotes prosperity and success (not to shabby for a bad luck charm!)

Ruby is essentially a red sapphire. They're both made of corundum! Red is ruby, every other color is sapphire. Wearing a ruby brings contentment and peace. Rubies also bring power and vitality and for this reason they were worn by royalty and soldiers in battle throughout history.

Sapphire contribute to mental clarity. It is a stone of prosperity and is said to help the wearer achieve her aspirations! Wearing sapphire also protects you from natural disasters (a plus on the gulf coast!).

Amethyst is "traditionally worn to guard against drunkeness and to instill a sober mind. The word amethyst comes from the Greek meaning "without drunkenness" and amethyst is believed to protect one from poison." (note to self: wear your amethyst earrings to beerfest next weekend)

Garnet is for eternal love and mental healing. The garnet was thought to protect people from poisoning so it was worn by people bitten by snakes or attending banquets to prevent food poisoning (romantic!) Garnets can be used to make a person popular. Garnets also make you more compassionate.

Diamond "It is said diamonds are good for coughs and mucus problems." Diamonds represent purity. They also bring positive resolution to the wearer.

So, there you have it. Modern American diamond engagement rings. I actually thought that this was such an interesting topic that I think I'm going to buy this book on Amazon.

I'll also throw in a little disclaimer aimed at the droves of diamond wearers reading this... I DON'T HATE DIAMONDS! See, I have diamonds in my engagement band and in my wedding band! So, I don't want to hear any "she thinks my diamond ring is contrived." No one thinks diamond are ugly, some of us just like other stones more.

If you love the gemstone trend, there are a bunch of threads on the subject on the Wedding Bee Forum.

I'm so happy with my ring. Its exactly what I wanted. I'm glad I got something that isn't a traditional choice because in the end its what I'm happiest to wear every day. Plus, my mom's engagement ring isn't traditional either. Its a white and black pearl (yep, those unlucky pearls!). So, I'm just following her lead. Thanks Mom!

Alright, I really don't have time to post but I just came across some old superstition that pearls are unlucky?

Has anyone else heard this before? Basically, every pearl I wear to my wedding will be a time I'll cry in my married life?

I know there's a lot of superstition around weddings. I'm even working up a blog on the topic (the purpose of a veil, the whole something blue thing, etc) but I NEVER knew pearls were unlucky. So, please, help me out. Have you heard this? Do you know someone who wore pearls?

What else am I not supposed to wear for fear of evil spirits attacking me?

As I mentioned before, I went to a wedding this weekend so I thought I should give some highlights! First, congrats to Dan and Teresa. Just an FYI, Dan is Andy's friends from high school. There, now you're all in the loop.

The wedding was in New Jersey where Teresa is from and let me tell you it was awesome. I want to be a part of Teresa's giant Italian family! There was so much good food that I don't even know how to explain it. I haven't had a cannoli since I left Maryland!! Everywhere we turned there was more food. It was just amazing.

The ceremony was a nice big Catholic ceremony. It went really well and was very sweet. I loved that Teresa actually high fived Dan after they said their vows. The flower girl and ring bearer stole the show for a few moments as they made their way down the isle. They were super cute at the rehearsal too so I was glad their  performance for the actual ceremony was as adorable as the practice run!

The reception had a huge cocktail hour with more italian food. I'm still thinking about the garlic fettucini...yum! Then there was a sit down dinner. I really enjoyed that the music for the cocktail hour was lots of classic big band love songs. It created a really nice atmosphere.

The dance floor was also packed for the entire reception. The DJs did a good job keeping things going but it also helped to have a room full of people ready to dance... or fist pump! Yep, I saw fist pumping that wasn't on Jersey Shore. I was pretty excited, I can't even lie.

Being that I'm now engaged, I found myself paying a lot more attention to the details. Teresa had her bridesmaids in really pretty royal blue long dresses. Their wedding invites, programs, etc had blue with silver details. At the rehearsal dinner there were boxes of blue and white M&M's tied with silver ribbons. It was a very classic color combo. But, on top of this very formal color palette the brides and bridesmaids bouquets were this wonderful mix of bright colors (pinks, purples, orange, yellow!). It really added a pop!

Then at the reception, I really liked what they did with the centerpieces. Some of the tables had centerpieces that matched the bridal bouquets. Then other tables had the tall branch centerpieces like I've been liking. Then the table I was at had a few yellow calla lilies wrapped inside a tall cylindrical vase. Around it were small bud vases with bright purple cosmos (I think, i need to ask Teresa because I loved them). I liked that the centerpieces were varied so the space didn't have that super matchy look but was still really coordinated. I thought it was a good idea and also got me excited that I could also do a couple types of centerpieces instead of picking just one and I could still get a pulled together look!!

On a personal note, I had a wonderful time seeing all Andy's friends, so if you're reading, thanks for the fun! And of course congrats to Dan and Teresa! Thanks for a wonderful time and I hope you're off enjoying the honeymoon. I'm off to watch some Bachelor Pad.

I'm TRYING to like white. I really am. I was at a wedding this weekend (which was amazing and will be the subject of tomorrow's post) and on the way home I bought more wedding magazines since I was definitely in the wedding spirit. What I bought was the The Knot fall magazine which is a million pages and costs $10. In the middle are ads that are cleverly disguised as a "look book" to give me dress inspiration.

Well, I can't help it. I still look at white dresses and I just cannot picture myself in them. It doesn't help that 99% of the ads feature ugly dresses. So, I bring to you my newest series of blogs. I know these dresses are supposed to scream romance but that's just not what I see. Here's what I see...

Sorry Claire Pettibone but this dress is ugly!

All I see is the kindergarten art teacher in Billy Madison eating glue. This looks like the art teacher glued crap to a dress. Seriously, what is the red thing dangling from the belt?

For a person who doesn't like white dresses, this sort of thing is definitely not helping sway my decisions. Who looks at this dress and thinks "a man will know he's lucky to be with me when he sees this". No, he will be scared. It looks like dress up and art class shaken up and dumped on this model. Also, do I have wear that same blank expression if I wear the dress?

I promise you this... I WILL NOT buy a dress from a designer whose models don't smile. For this being the happiest day of my life, I certainly don't want a dress that only looks good with pouty face.

Or, there's this pose. Unfortunately, it shows up all the time. For the life of me I cannot understand by popping out your shoulder like this is sexy or romantic. It looks painful and like you have weirdly double jointed shoulders.

It'd be so weird if my shoulders looked like this in my pictures. It sort of reminds me of the time I broke my collar bone and it slipped and part of my bone was sticking out higher than the other side. I want to put a back brace on this girl and slip her joints back in line. How on earth did this become a universal bridal ad pose?

How can I look at this dress and imagine how I'll look standing at an alter when I see this contortionist?

Unfortunately, the $10 look book hasn't gotten me even one baby step closer to finding a gown of my dreams but I'll keep looking.

But, no more tonight. I'm also exhausted after a loooong weekend in Jersey. I'm still stuffed full of delicious Italian food and I need to go to bed so I can make it to work on time in the morning! 

I was looking through my 1001 Ways to Save Money... and Still Have a Dazzling Wedding this evening and I stumbled across some suggestions of the topic of the going away outfit. My first thought was SERIOUSLY, another dress.

"Instead of buying a brand-new, expensive dress specifically for the trip from the reception to the airport (or from the reception to the hotel), use one of your honeymoon dresses".

At first while reading this I was thinking, good, so I don't actually need one of these but then I realize at the very least I'm supposed to buy new dresses for the honeymoon! YIKES! Everywhere I turn its one more thing that you're "supposed" to have at a wedding. I can see myself buying some new clothes for wedding related events but are there actually girls that go out and worry about these things? I guess there must be. But seriously, I'd never heard of a specific Going Away Dress.

At least another suggestion in the book is to exit the reception in your gown and bag the whole idea together! Thank goodness. Does anyone else know about these traditions? I feel like I'd have no idea that anyone specifically shopped for a going away outfit unless I read these books. This just makes me mad. I rush out to buy wedding books to figure out what I'm supposed to do at a weddding. I'm 27, if I don't know what's supposed to go on at a wedding then those things I don't know can't be that important right?

Does anyone else feel like this? These money saving books do give me some legitimate money saving tips but for every one of those I get a tip on something like this example that I didn't know I needed, let advice on how to do it cheaper!

I really see how people get rich off the bridal industry! Maybe if I make something up and blog about enough and write about it on message boards I can dupe other brides into thinking its a new MUST HAVE.... perhaps inviting your friends and their dogs?! haha :)

With this whole wedding process I'm learning its a lot harder to explain what I want than I ever imagined. Its like going to get a haircut and you think the description of a piecey shoulder length bob should end very differently than it did. I don't want to end up with the wedding equivalent of a bad haircut!

For example, Shanna and I had a chat one day about branch centerpieces. I like earthy, natural things. How many ways can you do a branch centerpiece? to find out I googled "branch, centerpiece, teal".

This is not what I meant at all! Yes its branchy. And its in my wedding color. But, never never never did I imagine lacquered white with dog chains and aquarium marbles. (As I write these blog post I am starting to realize that eventually I'm going to post something someone reading actually did. So when I offend you I'm sorry. But also, if you like dog chains on branches you should seriously buy an interior design book and have a bridesmaid slap you out of your craze. If you like this then I bet you are dangerously close to also buying that monogrammed toilet paper I talked about. Just saying).

Also, I've learned these twigs are called Manzanita branches. I guess this is one of those things you only learn once you get engaged. Seriously, I watch like hours of HGTV daily and I have never heard of these. I wikipedia'd them to find out that "Sunlight smooths and bleaches manzanita to light grey or white, rendering it superficially akin to animal bones." awesome, that's totally romantic.

Alright, take two. Much better and still teal.

This is going to get exhausting if I have to find pictures of things I don't like (and not just squirrel heads) as well as things I like!

I feel like I could go on forever and give examples for everything! But, on a more serious note I am leaning towards more earthy things. I am a biologist. If I'm not going to get married on the beach and have the nature built in I'm going to have to bring it in someplace else! I'm also thinking about terrariums. I'm afraid to google that or else I'll end up with scary plastic gnomes in succulents.

On that note, I'd love to hear from any of you who have had one of these "that's not what I meant at all" moments in wedding planning.